Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

In the past I have had the tendency to try and act a certain way whenever I start something. Whether I started a new job, new sport, or changed my environment, I would try and act the way I thought everyone expected. Eventually, I would get used to my environment and return back to my normal self. I finally came to realize I was not only less effect, but also much less happy when I wasn’t being myself.

Intimidation
One of the main reasons I was usually unable to be myself was because I was intimidated. When you try something new, usually everyone else knows how to do it better than you do. No matter what the subject, at one point, everyone starts from the beginning. There is no reason to be intimidated. If you be yourself and use your the methods for learning that work best for you, then you will learn much quicker.

Fitting In
This is the other big reason that I would become someone else when starting something new. I was in a new environment, doing something new, and quite frankly it can be somewhat scary. I would try to do whatever I could to fit in. So how do you get around this? Just realize that it’s okay to not fit in. In fact, it can be beneficial to stand out. Those who stand out (in a positive way) will usually get the best rewards.

Be Yourself

Be yourself, it’s more than enough. None of us are perfect, and we should all be continuously trying to improve. It’s okay to admit that you aren’t perfect. No one will put you down or hold you back for it. By being yourself you will know that your friends like you for who you are and will be much closer than if you try to be someone else. You will also be much happier and much more confident in the endeavors you pursue.

As many of you know, I recently quit my job in Tokyo and decided to move to the tropical island of Miyakojima (a small island southeast of Okinawa). While here I have met someone who has been at his job for about a year and is planning to try something new. He came here a couple of years ago and started his own business doing shiatsu massage (if you ever come to Miyakojima, you have to go), but has decided that he wants to study culture and history and so is planning to move to Tokyo and attend school. He feels that his business has been a great experience, but wants to get started on his new path as soon as possible. While most others are telling him to stick it out for a couple more years and then see how he fills. Since I have recently gone though something very similar myself, I wanted to give a short outline of how I came to this point. And also while it is important to finish what you start, how it can be just as important to know when to quit.

Here is a short time line of how I ended up on an island happier than I have been in a long time:

2004: I did a one year study abroad at Waseda University to study international business and Japanese

2005: Returned to the US to finish my degree and made plans to work in Japan

June 2006-Graduated with honors after 6 years ( had to take time off to help with my fathers company)

Sept 2006-May 2007: Entered jobs in a hurry (to keep my visa from running out) and didn’t take time to ask the right questions. Ended up in horrible working conditions and quit each job after only two months.

June 2008: Started working at a University as an admissions counselor. Found a great mentor and started reading books on personal development, finance, investing, time management, marketing, and sales.

Dec 2008: I put everything I learned to work and in just a few months I had developed a large savings and had become one of the top recruiters/counselors.

Jan-Feb 2008: I began to realize that I the job I was doing was not really where I wanted to be and started searching for other options.

May 2008-Read the book 4 Hour Work Week and realized I wasn’t the only one who felt working 9 to 5 40 hours a week didn’t make sense

June 2008- Took a 4 day trip to Miyakojima and proposed to my girlfriend of 6 years

July 2008-Was offered a better job, but turned it down, quit our jobs and made arrangements to move to Miyakojima

October 2008- Sold everything we owned and moved to Miyakojima

4 Days ago- Found an amazing apartment with a view of the ocean that costs less than half of what my apartment in Tokyo cost

2 Days ago-Had lunch at a local cafe (and drank the best milk tea I have ever had), snorkeled in the ocean, had a dinner with friends, and spent the evening at the beach watching the stars. It was absolutely amazing.

The point writing this time line is to give you an idea of how quickly I have quit somethings, and how quickly a serious of events can change. In about the time of a year, I went from hating my job in Tokyo to living in a tropical island.

Quitting to Get Ahead

To get the things you want, you need to focus all of your energy on them. In order to do so, you need to quit the things that aren’t moving you towards them. Whether it’s singers, dancers, athletes, or actors; they usually became the best by devoting all of their attention on achieving their goal. Seth Godin explains this point very well in his book “The Dip”.

Sometimes you must give up what you are currently doing to move ahead. Like Timothy Ferris says in the 4 Hour Work Week “There will never be a perfect time.” Quitting is made even more difficult since most people will tell you to stick with it just a little bit longer. This isn’t necessarily smart, it’s just the way that it was done for so long people continue to think it’s right.

Moving in the Right Direction

So how do you know if you are moving in the right direction? First you need to set your goals and your plans. The more clearly you can define them the easier obtaining them will be. Make sure they are your goals and what you really want. It’s no fun to end up at your goals and realize that you put in a lot of work and obtained something that doesn’t make you happy. Write down the things you need to do to obtain your goals. Are things you are currently doing helping you achieve your goals? If not then maybe it is time to find something that better aligns with them.

You may make the wrong choices and have failures. This is perfectly okay. The key is to learn from them. I made a number of bad decisions in my career, but I would gain valuable information and experiences each time. I am actually grateful for them because they helped me to learn things I might not have found otherwise. Putting myself in a bad position motivated me to learn more and try and keep myself out of it again.

Making Quitting Easier

The easiest way to make quitting easier is by finishing and succeeding. This may sound a little weird, but let me explain. The reason that I was able to quit my jobs easily and give up my entire life in Tokyo and move someplace new was because of my past success. I have actually quite very few things. Once I set my mind to something I keep working until I am satisfied with the results. Knowing that I can accomplish what I put my mind to gives me the confidence to quit one thing and start something new.

As a child I used to continue to do things even though I no longer found any interest or enjoyment in them. I listened to my elders who said that you should always finish something that you start. And in some ways this makes sense. Completing something gives you confidence and pleasure. However, if you choose the wrong thing then you are wasting your time. I think the key is to choose the things that matter and finish them, quite the things you choose incorrectly, and don’t start the things you don’t plan to finish. Doing so will allow you to move steadily and efficiently towards your goals while at the same time gaining more and more confidence.